....but I'm thinking about all that I have to do tomorrow...school for the kids, school for me, dance, homework for the kids, and me, food, playing, coffee, laundry, prepping for the rest of the week, more meals....and of course husband is away for work this week.
I decided to go back to school after being laid off, thinking that I might someday get to do something that I want to do...like be a teacher. I really don't know what I was thinking other than I just really wanted to see how much of a sadist I am, because I don't have time for this shit.
I'm constantly on the go, and I have yet to have the time to actually sit down, prep for a test or project/presentation without being interrupted a million and one times. Each time I sit down to do some studying, the kids need food, water, butt wiped, help with this that or the other thing and of course dad can be sitting right beside them but I need to be the one to do it....
Each time I get a test mark back that once again I haven't passed I think, this is it...I'm not doing this anymore. Each time I get a C on a project that I know I could have done better one I think I'm quitting. It's just not in the cards for me at this point in my life. I can't possibly do this with three children that still need me.
I'm stuck, I hate to complain because I'm lucky that this is even an option for me but it's really hard, being 33 with nothing for myself.....I'm a mom and that's the most important thing for me. I've wanted to be a mom my entire life, and nothing comes before it and for that I'm grateful every single day. I'm lucky that my husband has allowed us to have the life that we do, me staying at home with the kids, taking courses in university and willing to do whatever it is that I'd like to do to reach whatever goal I have set for myself but I hate the feeling of failing, and that's where I'm stuck. I feel like I'm failing...
I decided to go back to school after being laid off, thinking that I might someday get to do something that I want to do...like be a teacher. I really don't know what I was thinking other than I just really wanted to see how much of a sadist I am, because I don't have time for this shit.
I'm constantly on the go, and I have yet to have the time to actually sit down, prep for a test or project/presentation without being interrupted a million and one times. Each time I sit down to do some studying, the kids need food, water, butt wiped, help with this that or the other thing and of course dad can be sitting right beside them but I need to be the one to do it....
Each time I get a test mark back that once again I haven't passed I think, this is it...I'm not doing this anymore. Each time I get a C on a project that I know I could have done better one I think I'm quitting. It's just not in the cards for me at this point in my life. I can't possibly do this with three children that still need me.
I'm stuck, I hate to complain because I'm lucky that this is even an option for me but it's really hard, being 33 with nothing for myself.....I'm a mom and that's the most important thing for me. I've wanted to be a mom my entire life, and nothing comes before it and for that I'm grateful every single day. I'm lucky that my husband has allowed us to have the life that we do, me staying at home with the kids, taking courses in university and willing to do whatever it is that I'd like to do to reach whatever goal I have set for myself but I hate the feeling of failing, and that's where I'm stuck. I feel like I'm failing...
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